Consent in Childhood
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Have you heard the quote “it shouldn’t have to happen to you for it to matter to you”?
It’s one of my all-time favorite quotes. BUT - sometimes the things that DO happen to us make us incredibly passionate about preventing that same thing from happening to others.
One thing that I’m passionate about preventing is sexual assault in childhood.
Sexual assault may not be what you think it is - it can range from unwanted sexual touching or groping to sexual harassment, sexual harassment online, and rape.
We don’t talk about it enough; it’s a difficult topic for many and can bring up painful memories. ♥️
However, in order to prevent & heal something, we eventually have to talk about it.
The statistics are heartbreaking, and I will do my best to make sure my children don’t become a part of these numbers. I want to help you to do the same.
1 in 4 girls will be sexually abused by the time they turn 18.
1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused by the time they turn 18.
Most of the time the abuser is someone the child knows; either a family member or a family friend.
We do not make our son hug or kiss family members or friends when he says he doesn’t want to.
It can make for awkward moments when people are persistent in getting his attention, but we have let him know that he is in control of his body, no matter who that may offend. I’ve heard “oh come on, don’t be rude to so-and-so” a million times, and I’m sure I’ll hear it a million more before he is an adult.
(Great Aunt Edna will get over it, I promise. If she doesn’t, that’s not our kids’ responsibility).
We want our son and future daughter to know that their words have power, and if they do not want to be touched, then the people in their life will respect that. I will always be his biggest advocate.
This will lead to them knowing that other people are in charge of their own bodies as well.
Other ways we teach consent in our home and safeguard our child:
We have taught our son the anatomically correct names for his body parts. He knows his private body part is called a penis. Our daughter will know that hers is called a vagina.
It’s important to teach children the correct names for their body parts; Penis, Vagina, Breasts, etc. This can feel weird to talk to our kids about at first, but if a child is sexually assaulted and they try to tell an adult - it is much easier for the adult to understand “vagina” instead of a pet name word like “teetee” or “weewee.” Studies also show that calling body parts by their correct names leads to more self-confidence in adolescents.
We don’t “keep secrets” in our house. We want our son to know that if someone tried to tell him something like “this will be our little secret” - that is a big red flag, and he knows to tell us. If my husband and I want to surprise each other with a gift, we tell him that it’s a surprise for mommy or daddy, not a secret - that way he knows he probably shouldn’t tell mommy or daddy about their surprise, but he’s not being taught to keep a secret.
I’m a huge advocate for using children’s books to help explain things in an age-appropriate way that my 5-year-old can understand.
Look below for more suggestions.
Miles is the Boss of His Body is my son’s favorite! It’s a story about Miles’ 6th birthday party, in which Miles gets fed up with everyone touching him when he doesn’t wish to be touched; Grandpa pinching his cheeks, his brother giving him noogies, his mom hugging him too tightly, etc. He feels like his family is not respecting him and he lets them know. His parents respond by letting him know how proud they are of him.
